I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
