lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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