I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
