Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
