There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
