I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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