I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
