Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
