my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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