I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
