Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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