I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
