whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
