her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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