I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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