how can u be prego again
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
