I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
worst night to have a conscience
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
