my phone needs a breathalizer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
