Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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