i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
God, I missed his penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
