The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
