I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
