hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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