You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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