You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize