Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
