I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
