Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
