At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize