If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
