If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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