Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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