Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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