My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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