She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The power of my boobs compel you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
