on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
