Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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