So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
