you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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