had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
