wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
