dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
