i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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