I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
