Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
