i think my tv is drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
