You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
