I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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