That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
