I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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