i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
