I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
