She said her name was "party"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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