Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
