I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my being single is dangerous.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
