Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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