My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize