If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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