my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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