walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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