Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
