I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
