Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
