theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
