When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
