Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
