You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
