Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
