Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
