I want to have your abortion
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
