I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
