Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
