She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
