The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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