needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
