Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
