Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
