Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
