So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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