No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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