also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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