woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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