I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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