Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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