I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Panties = found
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
