oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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