my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
