what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
