do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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