if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
