genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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