Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
