ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
