Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
