yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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