1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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