3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
