when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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